My Why (Day 12)

My weight loss has stopped.

I adore my male readers and for your sake, if you happen to be male and you happened upon this blog post, just look to your right and pick another topic, okay? I hate to exclude men (and I promise not to do it but once a month) but I'm married to one and I know even he doesn't want to read about this.

Last warning.

I woke up on Thursday (Day 9) feeling like I could eat the face off my children, okay? The day before, the cravings were so strong I felt crazy and Thursday morning I realized why. Mother Monthly came for a visit. Unannounced. I was not prepared for her and I never thought that PMS cravings would be so difficult. I also never imagined the weight gain simply from my period. Wow. I got on the scale that morning and I wanted to pick up the scale and smash it into little bitty pieces. Now, I love my husband dearly but for good measure, I wanted to take the scale and bash him in the head with it. Truthfully. I did. He continued to lose weight while I struggled, stuck to the juice and GAINED!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? weight?? Oh yes. I. gained. weight.

I want to tell you how well I managed my anger. I want to tell you have very rational I was about everything and about how seeing that weight gain only motivated me to keep doing what I was doing. I want to tell you how I told myself that water retention was not within my control. I want to tell you a lot of things...but I also don't want to lie.

I broke down. I cried and cried and cried. I got SO furious, not just with myself but with my husband (because if I can't lose weight, he'd better not lose any either, right???) and with God. I shook my fists. I screamed, "Why???????" Why!?!?! Why am I doing this!?!? Why is it so difficult??? Why can't God wave his magical wand and JUST MAKE IT ALL BETTER!?!?!

And then I prayed.

And I found some calm.
And then I made some juice.

Why am I doing this?
Because I love myself.
Because I deserve to live a happy and HEALTHY life.
Because my family deserves to have me around for as long as possible.
Because even if the scale has temporarily stopped, I FEEL better, my pants fit better and I look better.
Because I know I am making healthy decision for myself and for my family.

So, why are YOU doing this? What's YOUR why?

I've changed my comment settings so anyone should be able to comment now!!