Unexpected Motivation

About a month ago I went to some training (for lack of a better word) for a stay-at-home business I do on the side to earn us some extra income. A friend of mine whom I've not seen in about a year was supposed to meet up with me there.

About an hour after I get there, I get a text from my friend asking me where I was. I replied with something like, "I'm at the front of the room, over to the left of the stage. Where are you?" And she replied saying she was also to the left of the stage. I turned around to find her but I couldn't find her among the thousands of other women there so I stood up and walked to the side of the room, standing up against the wall. I sent her a text telling her where I was now.

A minute or so passes...and I'm starting to wonder if I've lost my mind. Why can't my friend find me? I know we are at the same convention center. We are in the same room, same side of the room....what is going on?

And then she sees me and comes over apologizing.

"I am so sorry!! I saw you standing there and I kept saying to myself, 'That's not Teela.' You've lost a TON of weight! You look great!!!"

And man, that made me feel good. Not to mention, this happened about 4 days before starting my 40 day juice fast.

And while I've not forgotten her kind words, when the scale was refusing to budge for me, I started having really negative thoughts. "Yeah. She said I look like I've lost weight but she's always been sweet. She was just being polite."

And my husband suggested that I go back and find some photos of me last summer, at my heaviest (around the same weight I was when I last saw my friend) so I went looking. And MAN, when you are as fat and miserable as I was, you will go to great lengths to make sure you aren't in a photo. And I did a good job of using my children as shields anytime a camera was present.

I'm almost ashamed to even share this photo....but it also shows how far I've really come on my own. And it makes me proud, which is huge. I've not been proud of myself in a very long time.

There I was, about a month after being told my husband had aggressive bone cancer, and about a week before the surgery that almost took him away from us. That's my husband holding our Little Dude 3.0 and I am trying, though not being successful at all, to hide behind Little Dude 2.0 and Little Dude 1.0.

The second photo is of me and Little Dude 1.0 and Little Dude 2.0 last night at their school play. And last night.....I felt pretty. Last night while I was in Little Dude 2.0's classroom, a little girl came up to me and said, "Mrs. Herman, you look beautiful!" and I almost cried right then and there. Silly, I know. She's just a 5 year old girl. But she thinks I'm beautiful and that gives me motivation.

A friend who doesn't recognize you due to the amount of weight you've lost, that's my motivation.

Having one of my 5 year olds wrap their arms around me and knowing they can touch their fingers.....that's motivation.

Blog comments by strangers and loyal blog readers.....that's motivation.

15.4 lbs down in 24 days.....that's motivation.

56 lbs down in about 6 months.....that's motivation.

Zipping up my size 12 jeans.....comfortably......that's motivation.


What's YOUR motivation?

My Why (Day 12)

My weight loss has stopped.

I adore my male readers and for your sake, if you happen to be male and you happened upon this blog post, just look to your right and pick another topic, okay? I hate to exclude men (and I promise not to do it but once a month) but I'm married to one and I know even he doesn't want to read about this.

Last warning.

I woke up on Thursday (Day 9) feeling like I could eat the face off my children, okay? The day before, the cravings were so strong I felt crazy and Thursday morning I realized why. Mother Monthly came for a visit. Unannounced. I was not prepared for her and I never thought that PMS cravings would be so difficult. I also never imagined the weight gain simply from my period. Wow. I got on the scale that morning and I wanted to pick up the scale and smash it into little bitty pieces. Now, I love my husband dearly but for good measure, I wanted to take the scale and bash him in the head with it. Truthfully. I did. He continued to lose weight while I struggled, stuck to the juice and GAINED!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? weight?? Oh yes. I. gained. weight.

I want to tell you how well I managed my anger. I want to tell you have very rational I was about everything and about how seeing that weight gain only motivated me to keep doing what I was doing. I want to tell you how I told myself that water retention was not within my control. I want to tell you a lot of things...but I also don't want to lie.

I broke down. I cried and cried and cried. I got SO furious, not just with myself but with my husband (because if I can't lose weight, he'd better not lose any either, right???) and with God. I shook my fists. I screamed, "Why???????" Why!?!?! Why am I doing this!?!? Why is it so difficult??? Why can't God wave his magical wand and JUST MAKE IT ALL BETTER!?!?!

And then I prayed.

And I found some calm.
And then I made some juice.

Why am I doing this?
Because I love myself.
Because I deserve to live a happy and HEALTHY life.
Because my family deserves to have me around for as long as possible.
Because even if the scale has temporarily stopped, I FEEL better, my pants fit better and I look better.
Because I know I am making healthy decision for myself and for my family.

So, why are YOU doing this? What's YOUR why?

I've changed my comment settings so anyone should be able to comment now!!

Mama Called The Doctor (and the doctor said)

I'm floored.

A very long and very boring story short(er?), I ended up going to see my family care physician yesterday due to a persistent ear infection. I explained to him my new "diet" for lent, I explained my addiction to bad foods, I explained what I am consuming (gave him an example of a day of juice for me) and that I am consuming it only through juice, told him that I have been feeling wonderful (aside from the pesky ear infection) and I thought he was going to tell me, "Well you stupid little girl, no wonder you are sick!!! You can't do this! This is NOT GOOD!" And then I even imagined him telling me that it would be just fine to stop and grab a hamburger at my local drive thru on the way home!!!!

And boy was I wrong!

He listened. He flipped through my chart and noted that I last saw him in August and I was 216 lbs then. He applauded me. He told me that while he thought that what I was doing was a bit "drastic," he was very happy with the changes in my life and he wanted me to continue!!!

After I told him that I take a daily multivitamin, omega 3's and vitamin D drops, the only suggestion he had was protein powder, although he said he understood my reasonings for doing this through lent and he was fine with me going without protein that long.

I asked him if he wanted to run any special blood work on me to monitor me during this fast and he said he did not. He felt completely comfortable with my lifestyle change and he complete supports it. He asked that I see him again in 6 months and I am going to schedule a physical then, as well.

One thing I've not mentioned is my Crohn's disease. I was on medicine and was pain daily due to this disease and I have had no Crohn's related pain since starting my fast. I've read that cabbage juice (I try to get in cabbage almost daily) helps reduce the inflammation of ulcers, so it makes sense.


I am NOT a doctor, so please see your own family care physician to get the go-ahead. I feel so great after I saw my doctor. I know it's only been slightly over a week, but I decided to post a before and during photo. I've hit a plateau and decided its best for me to stop weighing in daily. I did these side by side photos and it makes me feel better already. If I can make that kind of change in just a week, imagine the change at the end of my 40 days!?!?

I'm not crazy, am I? Can you see the change? The "before" shirt is an XL and the pink shirt is a size L. Same pants.

Day 4- Urgent Care

Whew. What a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I woke up this morning with a lot of pressure in my left ear. I was bound and determined to make it to our small local farmer's market so I pushed on.

We got to the market, bought lots of fresh greens and we met some nice farmers. We told them about our juicing reboot and some of the farmers had no idea what we were talking about and then others had their own recommendation of mixed greens that is usually a big hit with other juicers. Cool!

Oh, and classic Teela. I saw these beautiful green, almost flower looking things? I knew it was probably a vegetable but I didn't really know what it was, I just knew I wanted it. So I walk up to this booth and patiently wait for all the other customers to leave (boy, I'm glad I waited) and then asked, "These look great! What is it?"


"Broccoli."


Uh huh. Smooth one, Teela. Smooth.


Anyway, the pressure in my ear soon turned painful and by the time we got home, I was nearly in tears. My husband urged me to go to Urgent Care. Once the doctor put the scope in my ear he said, "Oh man! That is one ugly, pissed off infection. Your eardrum is about to burst." He sent me away with some antibiotics and numbing drops for my ear. I get home and my husband gets ready to get my medicine and the pharmacy says they don't have the drops and that they won't be in until Monday. Today is Saturday. My eardrum is about to explode, I haven't had food in 4 days, I'm in pain, and they tell me I'll have to wait until Monday?!?! Ummm.....I was on the verge of murdering someone!!!

Long story short, we transferred the prescription to another pharmacy and after being in intense pain for 5 hours, my wonderful husband was home with numbing drops for my ear. God, I love him.

But during all of this, I got mad. I got angry. I wanted to give up. I cried and cried and cried.

Why is this so hard??? Why is my natural reaction to anything negative that happens in my life, to overeat and to overeat on such trash?

Because for years, whenever I was happy, I would eat. Whenever I was sad, I would eat. Whenever I was worried or anxious, I would eat. Whenever I wanted to celebrate, I would eat. Whenever I hung out with friends or family, I would eat. I would eat.
I would eat.
I would eat.
It didn't matter the occasion.
It didn't matter the emotion.
I rewarded myself with food.
I've done this for years. Of course breaking a nasty habit won't happen overnight. It's going to take work and dedication. I'm going to struggle but I am so gracious that I have the support of my husband and friends.

Hello, I am Teela and I am addicted to unhealthy food. I am addicted to food that WILL kill me.