It's Official

For the first time in my life, I set a weight loss goal with a doctor and we wrote it down on paper. 

She asked me what my goal was and I clammed up. 

"Uhhhh...ummm...uhhh...ya see, I don't know. I've never really been at an ideal weight during my adult life." 

And so based on my height, (5'5") my goal was 135

Eeeek 

Imma be honest with you real quick right hurr. I don't think I've been 135 lbs since I was in middle school, maybe? Maaaaaybe? 

Now. I'm not saying I can't do it. I CAN DO IT! (I'm just nervous about putting that number down on paper. Like everyone, I'm afraid to fail.)

Two years ago I said that there was no way I could ever get below 170 lbs. because, let's face it, I hadn't been under 170 lbs since high school. 

Well guess what? I'm under 170 lbs. 

I would lie to myself and make excuses, too. "Oh, well I wouldn't look good under 160 with my frame. I have a large frame." Uhhhhh, no. No I don't. Here I am today, sitting at 155 lbs and I KNOW I can stand to lose at least another 20. 

One year ago I told myself that I'd be happy to get into a 12. I'd be happy to fit into a size large shirt again. 

Currently I own a few medium size shirts and dresses. Today I can side my size 11/12's off my hips without unbuttoning them. Even though I haven't admitted it to myself by buying myself a new pair jeans yet, I crushed what I once thought was impossible and I fit a size 9. 

I won't lie. That voice does pop in from time to time. It does try to tell me that I might not be able to do it and that the job might be too tough to handle but you know what? I've come so far. I've overcome so much. 

I went from feeling like I had absolutely no hope, no control, and no self esteem, to loving myself. That was HUGE. Leaning to love myself. Accept myself, which is still an ongoing process. I have self esteem now! I feel empowered and strong. I feel like a can do pretty much anything I put my mind to.

In two days I get to see my foot suregon and hopefully get the go-ahead to start putting full weight without the crazy stylish post-surgical boot. My hope is to start walking again. I've not been able to workout at all in a very long time. Probably 2-3 months? I'm sure I've lost so much muscle and stamina. I need to get out there and move it, move it! 

I've been doing well, staying on track for the most part. I had a slip up one day though. It was a bad day emotionally. We are going to have a tense week while we wait on some medical results and I went and let that get to me. So I've not been perfect. But I've not given up! And I won't! I picked myself back up, I learned from my mistake. I knew what I did. I should have called my mom first. Hahaha. Seriously, though. She would have made me calm down immensely. But, being mommy, I had to keep it together for the kids so calling MY mommy right then wasn't really an option. I don't know. I guess I should have stopped and bought one of thought dreaded Naked juices. At least it would have been mostly juice, right? Or Odwalla? Anyway. Live and learn. I'm also learning to not beat myself up too badly. 

Coaching has been going great and my group is having a great time on Facebook! They are all very active, supportive and involved. What's been just beyond moving for me is seeing how some of my clients have completely transformed their lives. We are talking a complete transformation. I do have testimonials on this blog, but not enough! They are telling me that their confidence has been built. Not only are they changing their lives, but it's a domino effect, changing their families lives, then their friends lives, then their co-workers/classmates lives. It's wonderful what happens when people start to take notice. 

Anyway, I'd better get going. I've got to go get some more produce!!! Stay well. 

Stay strong and juice on my friends! 

Teela