Come have FUN on Facebook!!!

Can I be honest for a few minutes?

I've been bad at my water consumption. Bad. Bad. Bad.

No excuses, right?

 

So I hop on Facebook and I ask for some accountability...someone to help me. And I was so lucky! I had a FEW friends who wanted to join me! Which was AWESOME! I wanted to take a new photo with every new cup of water, but that soon took off into an entirely different direction. LOL!

 

Cup #1 (about 18-20 oz of water)

#2! None for you!

Middle Herman and me on drink number three!!

Don't pee on the floor, it's drink number FOUR!

Drinking 5 will make you feel ALIVE!

#6. ALMOST there!!!

So I finished my photo shoot fairly late, I never expected to have so many costume changes! But hey, a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do! Am I right?! Can I get an "Amen?!?!?!"

 

I felt that the photographer was asking me to do things that I wasn't comfortable doing....but I finally warmed up and went with it. You guys might be offended by the next photo. It is a pretty controversial photo! Make sure the little ones are in the other room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



I told ya! I got really crazy!

Join us for our next Wednesday Water Challenge by adding me to Facebook!  Add me here! 

 

Fresh Strawberry Juice (with hidden veggies)

(Try to remember, you might have to use more or less of the ingredients listed below. No two fruits or veggies are alike. Use the recipes as a guide).

This made 2 servings 

A large handful of red cabbage (cabbage is good for weight loss)

2 Roma tomatoes

1/2 of a large beet

2 large handfuls of strawberries 

This is a sweet and delicious juice. Try it and tell me what you think.

Day 3 (part 2)

Oh man. There was a storm last night. I tried to get to bed before 10 pm but I was woken up by my Little Man 2.0 around midnight because he was scared and wanted to sleep with daddy and me. We let him squeeze in.

Then about an hour later, Little Man 1.0 comes in to tell me that HE was scared. I knew adding another 50 lb 5 year old to the king size bed would just be too much so I went with him to his room to cuddle until 4:45 when it was time to get up and get ready for the FIELD TRIP!!!!!

I made a 16 oz serving of Mean Green for both my husband and I for breakfast. I then packed lunches and snacks for all three kids. It's a GREAT thing that I had my "berry veggie" Naked brand juice with me because I made my new "coffee" (carrot based drinks) at home before we left which was 4 carrots, 1 grapefruit, 1 orange and a big ole chunk of ginger....and I walked out of the house with it sitting on the kitchen table. I didn't realize I left it until it was way too late to go home and get it.

We went to a wildlife reserve and we all had a blast!! I wanted to share some photos we took:

                      

After driving through the wildlife reserve, it was lunch time! Lunch was family easy. Everyone brought their own sack lunch so there really wasn't too much temptation.

It's just after 3 pm and I've had just over 60 oz of water. I know I really need to drink more today and hopefully I'll finish this 30 oz bottle next to me.

Next up is dinner for the family and then I'll make another juice, probably the Anti- Cellulite Juice, as that seems to work really well with my body. Not much else to report.

Overall, I'm feeling tired (so I might make a small carrot juice) because of all of the interrupted sleep but overall, I'm feeling okay. Much better than Day 3 the first time around. Hopefully an early bedtime for me tonight.

Stay strong and juice on!
Teela Juicing Herman

Day 2 (part 2)

I woke up 15 minutes late (because I guess both my husband and I slept through the alarm) and after going to bed much later than I should the night before, I had more energy than starting out on Day 1. I also felt lighter! I've lost weight but since I don't want to obsessively track it, I'm not going to tally up the total until whenever I decide to end my fast.

I started off with the Mean Green (about 15 oz) and then followed that up with about 36 oz of cold water. I started noticing a slight headache around lunch time but after drinking about 12 oz of water, it went away.

Lunch was 1/2 bunch kale, 1 stalk of celery, 1 1/2 apples, 2 limes and 5 mint leaves. This yielded about 16 oz of juice and was pretty good. The only thing I might change next time is only using 1 1/2 limes. I followed up lunch with another 24 oz of cold water.

Yesterday I felt like I HAD to take a nap midday and today I don't. I skipped our walk yesterday (it was almost 90 degrees Fahrenheit!!) but I was really looking forward to my walk today (which ended 45 minutes sooner than I had anticipated thanks to the rain and thunderstorm!) but the difference was that I was READY and EXCITED about my walk today.

Dinner was a juice that consisted of 4 stalks of celery, 1 cucumber, 1 apple, 2 grapefruit and a knob of ginger (this made about 34 oz and my husband and I split it). I followed that up with about 8 oz of water.

It is almost 7 pm of Day 2 and I've got to say, at least this time around (*knock on wood*) it's been relatively easy. I'm hoping that my 80 oz of water helps. I know I wasn't drinking near enough during my first 40 Day fast. Also I have to keep in mind that I only had one week (of fairly good eating) to detox from so I didn't expect it to be nearly as brutal the second time around.

Tomorrow I get to chaperone a bunch of kindergartners while they go on a field trip to a wildlife nature preserve, so I am really looking forward to that. Tomorrow morning I am going to start off with a juice heavy in carrots to give me that extra boost I'm going to need.

Well, I guess that's it. Not too much to report. I wish you all well and I'll try my best to check in again tomorrow.

Stay strong and juice on!
Teela Juicing Herman

Goals (Day 37)

Well, this is kind of odd.

I realized the other day that I never really set any goals before starting the fast other than to
*finish the 40 days
*lose some weight and
*become healthier.

Well, aside from the 40 day part (that happens in 3 more days), I think I can successfully say I've reached the other 2 very broad goals. I'm not at the end yet so I won't go and list all of the changes....but I've certainly lost weight and don't think there is a doctor out there, compared to where I was 37 days ago, who would argue that I am not MUCH healthier today.

In June of 2012, at my max weight, I told my husband I wanted weight loss surgery because "the lowest weight I can ever remember being (since High School-I think I was about 150 pounds in HS) was 175 pounds. And even THAT is considered overweight!" And I truly felt helpless. I felt like I was going to have to start some eating disorder to get my weight below 175 pounds.

Then, a little over a week ago, my husband and I were talking about the future and where we wanted to be at the end of our 40 days and I told him, "You know, at this point, I think I'd be happy if by the end of the 40 days, I broke through and made it into the 160's." I even doubted myself and gave myself an out, "I mean, I'll still be happy if I don't....but it would be nice."

And today...... I did it! I said goodbye to the 170's and I'm now in the 160's. Granted, this morning it was 169.2.......I'LL TAKE IT!!! And I'll stop being so damn hard on myself, too! So WHAT that it's 169!?!!?!? When I weighed 234 pounds, if someone came up to me and told me, "would you like to weigh 169 pounds?" I doubt I would have sat down and tried to bargain my way to a lower weight!!! I would of said, "Hell yes I do!"

That doesn't mean I'm going to stop now! I am going to finish the last few days of my fast strong. I'm going to prove to myself (and to everyone else out there who thought I'd never make it) that not only CAN I do this, but that I DID it.

My homework assignment for you all: At the end of the day today and here on out, tell yourself  "I made the decision to make it one more day without eating food (or I made it one more day making the best and most healthy choices). I am BADASS!" And BELIEVE it!!! It's empowering to know that YOU and you ALONE made the decision to stay strong. So on that note....

Stay strong and juice on, y'all!

Teela Juicing Herman

Sticks And Stones Can Break Your Bones but Words Can Kill Your Soul

I've spent a lot of time on this blog. It is a very emotional story that I would honestly prefer to not even have to think about but I've been learning a lot about myself throughout this journey and I know that in order to really move forward and get past some of the things that have haunted me for most of my life, I need to face them head on.

I know some of my family might not agree with my "airing the dirty laundry" but I'm now to a place in my life where I am putting God, my husband, my kids and myself first. I'm doing this FOR me, not TO anyone. I'm sharing my story because I believe in therapy through journaling or blogging.

My story is long and twisted, like many others out there. Feel free to read along but I warn you, this will be long.

My parents divorced when I was 6 months old. My dad fought for custody and won, although he shared custody with my mom because "a daughter needs her mother." My dad was always very affectionate, loving, supportive and caring. Actually, he was more than that. My dad was always, always, always involved and "checked in." Even though I lived with my mom, step dad, brother and sister (an arrangement my parents worked out even though my dad had complete custody of me), my dad would come by and pick me up to have dinner and do my homework. Every single weekday. He would also come by during the day on the weekends and we would find something fun to do around town. Growing up, I don't remember there being a day my dad didn't come over to spend time with me. I adore my dad. I model a lot of my parenting after him because he was my hero. He was the definition of a dedicated dad. He always put my needs over his own and he would have happily laid down his life for me.

The next part of the story is hard to tell for a couple reasons. First off, it's just painful to relive and secondly, my father passed away almost 2 years ago and I miss him dearly. I also hate the fact that he is not here to defend himself. My father was the absolute best father I could have ever asked for and I would re-live the stories I am about to tell you once an hour, on the hour, for an entire year straight if it could bring him back so I could get one last hug and hear him tell me he loves me just one last time. So please, understand that when I share these stories (and the one about my grandmother) that I do so with a very heavy heart and it's not to hurt anyone's feelings. I just need to get through this and not allow it to haunt me anymore.

When my dad would come over to pick me up for dinner, he would take me to fast food. He worked 10-12 hours a day, wanted to spend time with his daughter and I guess he just didn't have time to cook food at home. I can honestly say that I never, ever, ever can remember my dad cooking me a meal. Ever. And he never remarried so it's not like I had a step mom cooking for me. I've been told my dad cooked me breakfast, lunch and dinner and all that when I was a very young child.....but from when I can remember (let's just say age 6 and up) he never once cooked me a meal. On the rare occasion that I would stay the night at his house, he would stop at a gas station to buy me sugared donuts and an orange juice for breakfast. If by some miracle we had dinner at his apartment, it was either a frozen TV dinner or a frozen pizza. I am not exaggerating. For the longest time, I had no idea that this was abnormal behavior. I figured most families went out to eat dinner nightly. I mean, my mom and step dad cooked at home all the time but I just figured it was because they had my brother and sister to feed and they couldn't afford to go out eat. It sounds silly now....but I didn't know any better.

I remember around age 8 my dad started talking to me about being a model. I have never been interested in being a model. I never dressed up and put on fashion shows or asked to be I pageants. I would much rather have played house or Barbie. This was my dad's dream for me. I would tell him time and time again that I didn't want to be in a pageant or try to get in commercials or on TV but he wouldn't listen. He would always tell me how pretty my face was and how "the camera" would love me.....if only I would lose 10 pounds.

I was 8. I was NOTfat. I was not even CHUBBY.

I remember feeling as if someone had stolen all the air from my body. Ouch.

And this became a normal conversation between us and as I got older and started gaining weight (no doubt because of my daily fast food diet), the number of pounds I needed to lose (according to my dad, in order to make it in "showbusiness") grew and grew. He would tell me about this "talent agent friend" of his that he wanted to give my headshots to, if I would just lose that weight. I loved my father with every ounce of my being but I grew to hate talking about my weight.

Another story that still cuts deep involves my grandmother, who is also one of my absolute favorite people. I am the oldest of three granddaughters and we were all sitting around the Christmas tree when I was 10 years old. My grandmother was handing out presents and as soon as I got the box, I knew it was clothes but I was STILL excited to see what was inside because my grandmother had great fashion taste. I opened the box, ripped back the tissue paper and inside the box, staring back at me, was a black and neon colored (think 1980's) spandex workout outfit. I looked to my other two cousins (who are, of course, thinner than me) and I really don't remember what they got, I think it was a cute pair of matching pajamas, but it most certainly wasn't a spandex workout outfit. I ran from the room bawling my eyes out, feeling fat, ugly and unloved and then my aunt came in and made me feel even worse because I wasn't being appreciative enough. I was then made to go out and apologize to my grandmother. My grandmother was a very reasonable and caring woman and once she realized she hurt my feelings, she apologized. I took that outfit home and threw it in the trash. I don't know why my grandma did what she did...she wasn't a mean woman, but I never got over that.

As I got older, my dad (and grandmother) would continue to bash me and my weight. I was told that you don't talk back to your elders and so for the longest time, I would sit there and let them say whatever they wanted to say about my weight. One day, after I had moved out on my own, I went though a really emotional breakup with a boyfriend of 3+ years. I called my dad to talk and just to hear him tell me that it was my ex boyfriends loss and everything would work out. I told him that Miles broke up with me and my dad asked, "You don't think it's because of all this weight you've gained, do you?" And you know what???? That thought hadn't crossed my mind....until my dad asked. And then I wondered if maybe no one could love me because of my weight... It hurt. I even talked to Miles and told him what my dad said. Miles assured me that he thought I was beautiful and our breakup, of course, had nothing to do with weight gain. Miles has always been a good person.

A few weeks later, my dad kept harping on my weight. He was brutal. And I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore and I yelled at him!


"YOU NEED TO STOP! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!!!! I am the one who looks at my fat, nasty, naked body in the mirror each and every day I get out of the shower! I do NOT need you to tell me I am fat. I KNOW I AM FAT!!!!! Now, each time I see your phone number come up on caller-ID, I cringe!!!! I don't even like talking to you anymore because all you ever do is make me feel bad and that in turn makes me hate myself!!!! Are you happy now!?!? Now you know the truth!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!"










Stunned silence.

I think he might have started crying and then he hung up the phone. I don't even think he said goodbye first.



I can not stress how much I love and respect my dad...but for the longest time I had him placed on a pedestal. He was the responsible parent who rescued me from my mom, who was an alcoholic and drug addict back then. He was my world. I idolized him.

But here he was. Stuffing me with fast food and then tearing me down because of it!

Once I finally blew up at him like that, I think he started to understand how hurtful he had been without meaning to be and he stopped talking to me about my weight unless I brought it up, or if it was to tell me he thought I had been losing weight.

And just to add one little twist to the story, this entire time I felt terrible for being "the fat one in the family" and as it turns out, it's pretty unlikely that my dad is my actual biological father. I spent 19 years of my life comparing myself to the women from my day's side of the family because I knew about genetics......and all this time, I was killing myself emotionally for something I had no control over.

Why this? Why now? It was years ago and I've told myself that I forgave them and moved on. And I don't think I've been lying to myself but I really haven't moved past it. I feel like my dad set me up to fail health wise and unfortunately, he paid his life for it. He continued on with his unhealthy living and eating, never cooking at home and always eating out of a paper sack until age 59, when he fell over and died from a massive heart attack. I was just 28 when my daddy, my hero, died and my world forever changed. That was July 27, 2010. It took me until January of 2013 to get real with myself and admit that if I continued down the same path I was on, I was going to die young, too.

Now that the past is out there, I feel like I can move on. They obviously made mistakes (as we all do) but they were the best people you would ever have the honor of knowing and I hold no grudges whatsoever. In fact, I probably love and respect them more today than ever before. They knew all along that I was probably not biologically related to them but they fought for me. They fought HARD for me and I do believe that they saved my life. I learned so many things about life from them and they helped shape me into the strong and caring woman I am today. I owe so much of the best parts of who I am to both my father and my grandmother and now I feel like I can truly forgive, forget and finally move forward.

Today, I know that my dad and grandma are as proud as ever of me and that's good....but there has been a change in the last 30+ days since I've been on my fast/reboot. What matters to me most NOW,is that I am proud of myself.




Stay strong and juice on, y'all!
-Teela Juicing Herman

F.A.Q.'s

***DISCLAIMER***
I am NOT a medical professional whatsoever. I am NOT a nutritionist. I am a wife and mother who was a few pounds away from being morbidly obese in June of 2012. I was desperate. I was miserable. I honestly did not like myself and I needed a drastic change. This is my story. This is my advice. This is what works for me.



What rules do I have to follow?

There are no real rules. If you are actually fasting for more than a few days, you will want to try to stick with the 80/20 veggie/fruit percentage as soon as you can....but in the first few days, if you need a sweeter juice to keep you from stopping, by all means, add some fruit. The way I see it, if you need a sweeter fruit based drink, it's better than chomping down a bag of chips. Also, drink as much water as possible, especially during the first few days because the water will really help flush all the toxins from your body.


Why can't I just drink fruit juices from the store? Why do I need a juicer?

Even though the juices at the store may say "no sugar", that juice has been processed so much that it loses most of its nutritional value and it is nothing at all like fresh fruit and vegetable juice. It would not be safe or healthy (in my personal opinion) to do a juicing reboot with store bought juices.


Do I have to drink The Mean Green?

Nope! Again, there are no real rules. If you don't like a drink, then don't drink it! It's better to find a drink that you do like, than to force yourself to drink something you detest. You have a better chance of staying on your reboot/fast/cleanse if you actually enjoy what you are drinking. Your palate WILL change! So if you start out not liking a juice, try it again later on. In the beginning, ginger was just too much for me. Now? I find myself adding ginger to recipes just to "give it a kick" and because I really enjoy ginger now.


Do you have to actually fast to lose weight?

No, not at all. Your weight loss will not be nearly as dramatic as it would if you were only fasting and not eating foods, but you can still lose weight and enjoy many health benefits by replacing 1-2 meals a day with juice.


How much juice should I be drinking in a day?

Listen to your body. When you are starting out, you will probably consume more juice and there is nothing wrong with that!!!!! Keep your body full! Juice is GOOD for you. When I started out, I was drinking about 70-80 oz of juice a day (based on my height and weight, some people drink far more and that's perfectly fine, too). Now, 32 days into my juice fast, I drink around 48 oz of juice. I did not limit myself on my juice consumption to try to starve myself or to make the scale move more, I simply found that as my stomach got smaller I required much less to keep me feeling full and satisfied. I do not get headaches, feel lightheaded, dizzy or nauseous. If I did, this would be my body's way of telling me I need more "food".


How much water should I be drinking?

Again, listen to your body. Water is great for you and it helps flush the toxins from your body during the first few days. Drink as much water as you can but don't make yourself sick. Drink it cold, drink it warm, drink it hot (if that's your thing....ick) but just drink! Many people enjoy coconut water as well, just make sure if you buy it, it has no added sugars. There are many different varieties of 100% coconut water to try.


Won't you just gain all the weight back?

I sincerely hope not. The reason I went so drastic and set my goal for 40 days was to reset my system, or to break my addiction to processed, unhealthy foods. And trust me, I was addicted. I feel like, "I've dedicated to not eating food for 40 days. I can't ever just go back to the way I was before." Maybe this is an immature way to think, but I truly feel that I am continuing to learn far more about food than I ever knew before. I feel like I am smarter and I've seen the benefits!! I'm living with the benefits! I have no doubt that I will gain SOME weight once I start consuming foods again, that is only to be expected. Only time will tell, I suppose! Stay tuned!


What plans do you have after your 40 Day Fast?

I'm going to Disney World!!!!! Haha. Just kidding! I wish!
To be honest, I can't wait to start incorporating HEALTHY foods back into my diet. I'm not going to sit here and lie to you, I am sure I will indulge in unhealthy foods OCCASIONALLY, but it will not be a daily, weekly, or even monthly routine. I haven't decided if I am going to become vegetarian or not...but at the moment, I really do miss meats. I want to have at least a 90% plant diet but I'm also terrible at math....seriously. Hahaha I am going to learn to ENJOY foods RESPONSIBLY, not become some crazy nutso health freak (no offense to you wonderful crazy nutso health freak readers....). I want to add in lots of beans and nuts. I'm not going to count calories, I'm going to make healthy, informed decisions.


What should I expect during the first few days of my fast?

Everyone is different but it seems that for most people, Days 2-5 seem to be the hardest. You can expect headaches, some nausea, dizziness, lack of energy and that might make you a bit cranky. This is all perfectly normal as your body is detoxing. Plan ahead for these first few days and start out your fast when shutting yourself in your room (if you are unlike me and actually can afford that luxury) for a day or two is possible. I made sure to cook my kids foods that I least craved during the first week. We didn't keep many snack foods on hand (having 3 young ones, we couldn't just throw every single processed food out the door) but the ones we did have, we kept out of sight, out of mind.


This isn't working! What is wrong!?!?!

I've hit a week long plateau. I really struggled and wanted to put blame somewhere. I wasn't eating any foods and yet the scale wasn't moving....or better yet, I had gained half a pound!!!! And you know what, I won't lie. It sucks. HOWEVER, I've found that when I get stuck, I really try my best to change up my drinks, make sure I'm "juicing the rainbow" (getting in all colors of fruits and veggies), up my water intake and STUCK WITH IT, the weight DID come off. Plus, you have to keep reminding yourself that this isn't JUST for weight loss. This is for a lifestyle change. On the days when I've not lost any weight, I focus on the fact that I feel damn good! I focus on the fact that I feel younger and more full of energy than I've had in YEARS! I focus on the fact that I know every single bit of everything I put in my body the day before and I stand confident that it is healthy for me and far better than the alternative, which for me was being a glutinous pig. I'll be honest, there are good days and bad days, but focus on the good and soon the bad passes by. I don't have a bag of fast food to hide behind anymore. And with my new figure, I don't want to hide behind anything!!!!!



Did you get seen by a doctor before starting your fast?

No. I started my fast on February 13, 2013 and had not been to see my doctor since August 2012, some 6 months prior. However, on Day 4 of my fast, I woke with ear pressure that started getting increasingly painful as the day wore on and it just so happened to be on a Saturday. Lovely. So I went to Urgent Care and was seen by a doctor who said my ear was so infected that the eardrum was about to burst. I brought up the fact that I started (this was my very simple explanation to a doctor who had never seen me before and whom I'll probably never see again) a completely raw vegan diet and I wanted to know if that had anything to do with my ear pain. He assured me the ear infection had nothing to do with my "raw vegan diet".
By the next Wednesday the pain was getting worse and I could tell the antibiotics were no longer working so I went in to see my family care physician. He looked at my ear, agreed with the Urgent Care doctor and upped the antibiotic dosage. Then we had a nice long talk about my lifestyle change and the 40 Day Juice Fast I was currently undergoing to reboot my system and break my addiction to unhealthy foods. Looking back, if I'm being honest, I was really hoping for an out. I was hoping that this doctor would tell me that I was insane to get on this "crazy crash diet" and to get myself a burger and fries on the way home. Yeah, that didn't happen. My doctor flipped back to our last visit and said, "Well, lets see. You were 216 pounds 6 months ago. Today you weigh 184 pounds. You've brought your BMI down over 5 points. Well done! Keep it up!" He did say that while he thought it was a bit extreme, he understood my reasonings for being so drastic and he was in full support. He did mention the fact that I wasn't getting enough proteins but he agreed that it would be fine for me to go 40 Days. He gave me the complete green light (green light...get it?? heehee). I wanted to know of he wanted to do some sort of baseline blood work but he said he saw no reason to, that what I was doing was extremely healthy and he saw no real risks.
Now, this is MY personal account.
I do not have diabetes, and while my blood pressure is usually slightly elevated, I've not been put on any blood pressure medicine. Although I am sure I was a physical examination or two away from being put on a medicine related to obesity, I wasn't at the time so I saw no need to be seen beforehand. If you are on any sort of maintenance medications, my recommendation would be to be seen first. I am NOT a medical professional of any sorts. I am not a nutritionist at all. I am simply a wife and mother who was close to being morbidly obese who needed a drastic change. I wanted weight loss surgery but my insurance refuses to pay for anything obesity related. This was my next best option. This works for me.



Can you make the juice ahead of time?

You can. I usually do not just because I like my juice fresh and my lifestyle allows for me (usually) to make fresh juice at home. This is not possible for my husband, as he works far from home and is not allowed to take a juicer with him to work. We've found that he does well when I prepare him 32 ounces of fresh juice and put it in a Mason Jar. I fill it to the top as to get the least amount of air in it, and I put the top on. He takes it and puts it directly in the refrigerator at work and drinks it that way. This works fine for him and the juice has never gone bad. I've read many sources saying that you should not keep juice longer than 48 hours. Also, the juice WILL separate and that is perfectly normal! All you need to do is shake the juice well and enjoy. Our family went to Six Flags and because I prepared my juices in advanced, I was able to stay on my juicing fast while ignoring the cravings for amusement park food. It CAN be done. We are going to Sea World overnight in a couple days. Stay tuned! We will be packing the juicer and taking lots of fresh produce.





If there is a question you have or maybe something I didn't cover, please send me a comment below!!

Best wishes and juice on, y'all!!!

Unexpected Motivation

About a month ago I went to some training (for lack of a better word) for a stay-at-home business I do on the side to earn us some extra income. A friend of mine whom I've not seen in about a year was supposed to meet up with me there.

About an hour after I get there, I get a text from my friend asking me where I was. I replied with something like, "I'm at the front of the room, over to the left of the stage. Where are you?" And she replied saying she was also to the left of the stage. I turned around to find her but I couldn't find her among the thousands of other women there so I stood up and walked to the side of the room, standing up against the wall. I sent her a text telling her where I was now.

A minute or so passes...and I'm starting to wonder if I've lost my mind. Why can't my friend find me? I know we are at the same convention center. We are in the same room, same side of the room....what is going on?

And then she sees me and comes over apologizing.

"I am so sorry!! I saw you standing there and I kept saying to myself, 'That's not Teela.' You've lost a TON of weight! You look great!!!"

And man, that made me feel good. Not to mention, this happened about 4 days before starting my 40 day juice fast.

And while I've not forgotten her kind words, when the scale was refusing to budge for me, I started having really negative thoughts. "Yeah. She said I look like I've lost weight but she's always been sweet. She was just being polite."

And my husband suggested that I go back and find some photos of me last summer, at my heaviest (around the same weight I was when I last saw my friend) so I went looking. And MAN, when you are as fat and miserable as I was, you will go to great lengths to make sure you aren't in a photo. And I did a good job of using my children as shields anytime a camera was present.

I'm almost ashamed to even share this photo....but it also shows how far I've really come on my own. And it makes me proud, which is huge. I've not been proud of myself in a very long time.

There I was, about a month after being told my husband had aggressive bone cancer, and about a week before the surgery that almost took him away from us. That's my husband holding our Little Dude 3.0 and I am trying, though not being successful at all, to hide behind Little Dude 2.0 and Little Dude 1.0.

The second photo is of me and Little Dude 1.0 and Little Dude 2.0 last night at their school play. And last night.....I felt pretty. Last night while I was in Little Dude 2.0's classroom, a little girl came up to me and said, "Mrs. Herman, you look beautiful!" and I almost cried right then and there. Silly, I know. She's just a 5 year old girl. But she thinks I'm beautiful and that gives me motivation.

A friend who doesn't recognize you due to the amount of weight you've lost, that's my motivation.

Having one of my 5 year olds wrap their arms around me and knowing they can touch their fingers.....that's motivation.

Blog comments by strangers and loyal blog readers.....that's motivation.

15.4 lbs down in 24 days.....that's motivation.

56 lbs down in about 6 months.....that's motivation.

Zipping up my size 12 jeans.....comfortably......that's motivation.


What's YOUR motivation?

Photo Update!

Day 23
No food, only juice.

I'm down 14.6 lbs and feeling great!

And wow. Not only do I feel the difference, I can SEE it!

Coincidence? A Sign? God.

As I'm sure you can tell from my last post, things have not been easy. I've been struggling internally a lot lately. Although I will say and type over and over, "weight loss does NOT equal success" I am going on a week of not losing any weight (weight log)and quite honestly, I'm getting burnt out. I'm questioning if what I'm doing is really going to make a difference. I feel like giving up so desperately at times it hurts. Today I had a frank conversation with God.

I don't know what your relationship with God is like, if you have a relationship with Him at all, or if you've simply never had one....and to me, it doesn't matter. I do not judge.  God and I have been round and round. I first started out loving Him because I was told that's what you do. I started out trusting in Him because the Bible told me so.
Then I started to believe that prayer was the same thing as bargaining or making a deal. "Dearest and most precious Lord, I know I don't pray to you often enough but I've really been trying to get Eric to notice me soooooo if you make him see what an awesome, beautiful, and loving girl I am and have him ask me out, I promise to pray more often." When that didn't work, I started to beg him and threaten him. "Alright now. I'm not even sure if you exist or not. They say you can do ANYTHING, right? Well, prove it to me! Let me wake up tomorrow 10 pounds lighter or else I'm just going to stop believing in you."
I had questions about my faith but I dare not ask my dad. "God is good, trust in God. If you don't, you will burn for eternity in hell." And if that was true, then I'm sorry, but I didn't care to get to know God. I felt I had a right to ask questions. There came a point on my life where I just didn't trust anymore. I didn't know of He really existed or not but if he did,, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with Him.

And what changed? I didn't have some epic life changing moment. I didn't have some Devine vision from God. I just realized that I wasn't seeing the big picture. I was angry that my phone line to God wasn't getting me immediate results and I was ignoring all the beauty that He WAS blessing me with. I realized that though my husband and I were fighting through infertility, and even though it was so unbelievably unfair, God had placed some pretty amazing friends in my life to help pull me through. I might have had to wait 3 years, countless exams, tests, fertility medicine, surgeries and thousands and thousands of dollars down the drain (and for all of that in the end to have failed), but I had the love and support of most of my family and all of my friends. I was (and still am) blessed, even in my darkest of days.

So I found my way back to God and of course, my church and church family also played (and continues to play) a very important role in that. I found a church where I didn't have to pretend I was perfect. I didn't have to pretend that I never once questioned my faith, that there was never a point in my life where I despised God. I could truly be myself and they would love me for it. And even if they don't ALL love me, they do not condemn me.

I suppose I'm really getting off topic here.

So what am I saying? God and I are on a fist name basis. God and I are closer now than we've ever been before. When I pray, I'm usually doing one of two things, if not both. I praise Him for all He has blessed me with and I ask for clarity. I constantly want to know that the decisions I am making are not just the right decisions, but the best decisions.

Which bring me to today. This morning.

I'm in my kitchen after getting on the horrid scale. I'm frustrated, mad, and desperate. I'm stressed out. I'm talking to God. I'm trying to reason with Him, asking why my efforts don't feel enough. I'm begging for some peace of mind. I need to know that what I am doing will pay off. I just want to know that I am doing well.

There was no voice talking back to me but I did feel a sense of peace. Some calmness.

Then I came across this video. It's not long, I promise. It's work and kid friendly. Check it out.

If you are obese, the likelihood your child will be obese increases by 50%.

Fifty percent. FIFTY percent. Holy cow. That's very alarming. And it was my answer.

The scale is my enemy. The scale makes me want to quit and give in but my body and mind keep telling me the I feel wonderful. My mind keeps telling me to keep going. Logic says that if all I am giving my body is fresh vegetables and fruits, I'm bettering my health. It's not complicated at all. Fresh, natural foods are better for you than processed crap. Even my 5 year olds know that.

Anyway, I really hope that no matter where you are on your journey, you are able to find peace somewhere and faith in the fact that what we are doing is an amazing gift to ourselves and for our children.

Juice on!

Two Weeks Down

I've been on my juice fast for over 2 weeks now and I've gotta say, I'm feeling pretty darn good! I haven't lost as much weight as I'd have liked BUT I feel better than I could have imagined! I have more energy than I've had since before having kids! And I feel like I have control! I feel empowered! I've gone 2 weeks without eating food. I've gone 2 weeks on a raw vegan diet. I've felt like giving up far more times than I'd like to admit, but I've stayed strong.

These past 2 weeks have been much harder than I ever imagined but I have so much more confidence than ever before. I know every single thing I've put into my body these last 2 weeks. It feels wonderful! I am in control.

I am really looking forward to eating foods and making the right choices.

I gained 1.2 lbs since yesterday but I didn't automatically hate myself for it this morning like i normally would. I didn't automatically think of ways to completely sabotage myself. I'm not cheating. I'm only putting good fruits and vegetables in my body. My body loves me and I am learning to love my body.

What about you? Where are you in YOUR journey and how do you feel?

And We Have Weight Loss!!!

Starting weight: 193
Current weight: 182.6 (Day 13)

I changed up my juices yesterday and the weight came off!!! I had a reader suggest I look at my juices and limit my carrots, beets and sweet potatoes and it really paid off. So thank you for that advice!

I also made sure to get in all of my water before noon. I didn't have to get up to pee in the middle of the night once!!

Day 13 and I think I finally have that juicing high they talk about!! I feel great! I've been awake since 4 am and I have more energy now than ever before.

Oh! I found myself getting annoyed that I had to keep pulling my pants up. Then I realized....IT'S BECAUSE MY PANTS ARE TOO BIG!!!!

I'm so motivated and ready to juice on!

One Week Down (end of Day 8)

Whew. It's not easy. I'm craving junk right now.

Everyone keeps asking if I am hungry.

I am not hungry.
I DO miss chewing. I DO miss food. But there is a difference between missing food and actually being hungry.
I crave food but I am not hungry.

I'm not sure if it is safe for me to continue to weigh myself daily. I know I didn't lose any weight at all since yesterday and today was emotionally very hard. I have been very tempted to just say, "Oh well, I tried." and go get myself a hamburger and I think it's because of the weight loss plateau. It's not fair to be so critical of myself...and like someone said to me today, "just because you don't see the weight loss doesn't mean you aren't losing inches. Don't look at the scale, ask yourself how you feel." And the truth is, aside from my horrible ear infection, I feel great!

I will post an updated photo on my Photo/Weight Log tomorrow.

Until then, goodnight and juice on!

Day 3

Not bad! Not bad!

My energy levels have been fine.
I've not had a headache since Day 1.
So far (as of 1:30 pm) I've not been very hungry at all.
No nausea since Day 1.
No terrible cravings to report.

All in all, it's been a very nice day and I am down 4.4 lbs since the start of my journey just 2 1/2 days ago.

Updated

So around 2 pm I started to get a killer headache but I pushed on. As the night went on, I started feeling worse and worse. My husband and I had plans to paint the living room and I honestly just could not force myself to paint. I was ached all over and I did not want to do anything.

So I went to bed.
At 8.
And I was bad.
I didn't drink enough juice OR water yesterday (because I didn't feel hungry). I wouldn't be surprised if my body went into a true starvation mode and I don't lose any weight. :(

Day 3 has been the hardest so far.

Here's to hoping Day 4 is better.